Plane jokes. Jokes about the plane.

They say that humor prolongs our lives. Without a smile hard to perceive reality, so come up with a variety of jokes of his colleagues, friends and acquaintances. In the history of aviation can find a lot of fun and funny moments. Jokes about the plane there, it can be said with a show of the first aircraft in the air and has since been used by people in the form of anecdotes and small funny stories.

Here we have compiled the most ridiculous in our opinion jokes, anecdotes and true stories from the field of aviation and offer visitors aviaportala read them to set the mood.

Jokes and anecdotes about the plane

The Holy Father said the pilot friend:

- Let's go to my room and have a drink for the meeting ...

Pilot pleaded for a long time, but still went. Sit, drink.

The pilot looks - already 2 morning. He called the maid.

- Girl, I'm on a flight tomorrow. Wake up, please, in 6 hours.

In the morning the maid, as expected, to fulfill his request. He got up, put on a cross, the cassock. Passes through the airport by a mirror and looking into it, he says:

- A girl who woke you? !!

In airplane:

- What are you doing here without a parachute?

- And why should he? It's a training jump.

The plane went to take off. The interior stewardess comes and announces:

- Dear passengers! Welcome aboard our ship. The plane piloted by a skilled pilot, honored master of sport parachuting ...

On the plane shy young man did not dare to speak with a charming neighbor. Finally, he's going with the forces and says:

- Excuse me, you, too, are traveling this plane?

At the hospital she comes:

- I want to work on your office nurse?

- A relevant qualification you have?

- Of course! The older brother I - paraglider, Jr. - hang-gliders, and my dad had a third trike collects.

 
In the clinic:

- What are complaining about, young man?

- Doctor, I ... paraglider ...

- Such problems I did not dare, I - a therapist, a psychiatrist on the floor above.

The passenger plane refers to the pilot:

- Be careful, as the first time I'm flying the aircraft.

- Do not worry you so, I also ...

 
In the middle of the ocean on a rubber boat on the waves hang miraculously survived after the crash the pilot and navigator of the plane.

Pilot (thoughtfully looking at the navigator)

- So, you're saying that what you remember from the theme "Bezkompasnoe orientation", but that pine needles on the south side ... more fluffy?

- Commander, you really were before a test pilot?
- Yes.
- And what did you have?
- Mainly financial difficulties.

- Estonian military air defense units do not believe that supersonic aircraft there.

- The Russian aircraft technician Shmyakin got into the Guinness Book of Records; he uttered the longest obscene expression in the world. Having dropped out of an airplane at an altitude of 1 km 875 m and until the time of the meeting with the earth he was always cursing.  

Attention! Dear passengers, the aircraft, the next flight "Riga - Moscow", landing in Vnukovo!

- Look, the pilots really do not know geography? Fifth time we fly to Moscow and arrive at Vnukovo!

- I have a piece of toast. Very proud and much loved bird eagle flying in the sky and no one gave way. Let's drink to the intransigence of the cake on the windshield of the aircraft IL-86.

- What a wonderful way to Russia! Frankly stimulate the development of the aviation industry!
 

Pilot joker approaching night to a small provincial airport:

- Airport, guess who I am?

Manager tower reaches out to the control panel lights, and cut down the runway all indicative lights.

- Guess again, where are we?

It is not recommended to carry out a bailout over the territory, you bombed before.

(Air Force Manual)

The airliner. The stewardess comes into the cab to the commander and said:

- On board a terrorist with explosives speculates parachutes.

I once jumped with a parachute from an airplane, and he did not disclose.

- Parachute?

- No, the plane! All the forehead of the hatch broke! And then another and parachute opened!

- "Pigeons do not live here anymore ..." - singing the pilot after turning turbine aircraft engine.

Funny stories about the plane

Diploma

"This story happened to me in the Soviet times in the territory of the Transcaucasian republic ...

At the airport on the PA system announced: "Departure of the flight to Moscow delayed for technical reasons. Estimated waiting time - 30 minutes. " And indeed, from the waiting room through the window it could be seen as art surrounded the plane and started to dig in it near the engine.

And there is very much wanted and I turned his head to the side of the aircraft, in the direction of the buffet - you have time for half an hour to eat? (all there, etc.).

Elderly Caucasian, who immediately understood the essence of my problem, came up to me and says:

- Go to the buffet in peace! It's our masters, each of them - purchased diploma. We have called the city, an hour drive up a Russian engineer, so take off an hour and a half.

As a result, soared exactly 2 hours.

Therefore, the "universal higher education," who want to enter, not always good ...

"Yas mowed Konyushin"

An airport. Manager allows the pilot to take off. At this time, the employee obkashivaet grass around the airfield landing lights classic oblique. The weather is not the best, dripping drizzling rain, a man wearing a hooded cloak and mowing grass. On the same track it is going to take off the Yak-42. Manager requires the mower to release the strip. A man departs meters 30, pulls the hood and holding a scythe waiting.

The aircraft accelerated slowly, an employee at the band warmly waved to the crew. He saw all the passengers "Yak".

Pilot:

- Manager, ask your mower so that he even dropped his scythe, until all passengers are not povyprygivali through hatches.